Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Just when you say something... You wished you hadn't.

As I mentioned in Saturday's post. I really didn't think anything would come from 5 grams of pressure. Fate has a funny way of showing you where your errors lay. During a break my instructor was showing another therapist a sacral move on the table. Using me as the "dummy." Hand on the sacrum, pressure to squeeze the hip "bowl" together, and the sacrum drops into your hand. 5 grams of pressure moving upward and WTF..... My abdomen feels like a giant balloon filling with air.... then.. a sigh... not from my mouth but from my abdomen.. It sounds horribly stupid. But that's exactly what it felt like. I started balling like a baby on the table. After getting up and walking around I realised...... Ever since my surgery I have felt this band (kind of like a belt) around my abdomen right above the pubic bone. No real reason for it. I always said it was my scar. The pain I felt was my scar. But it felt like a belt you have on way too tight. Now back to me walking around. It was gone. That pressure feeling was gone. Walking on cloud 9 and feeling euphoric. I had always had issues with my body. Even when I was 98 pounds nothing. So after gaining more weight, eventually having a child, and keeping some of that weight on, you would think I had a horrible self image. And I did for a long time. I eventually got over it and realised that I like the skin I was in. I was beautiful. I still had curves so whats wrong with shapely curves. So I was not feeling at all self conscious at the time. However, There was not this tight band around me making me aware there was anything there at all. For the first time I didn't feel my scar. It was the most amazing feeling.
So Monday came and by evening the euphoric feeling was gone and I was back in my old skin. Though the feeling of my scar had not completely returned. Just not so "high on life," I was kind of sad. A person could easily get addicted to the feeling of cloud 9. Which raised more questions then I have before. During massage classes we are told what an emotional response is, how to handle them as therapist. And for most of us, that was fine. We had no need to question anything. Now. How do you handle a client who has felt bliss and wants you to do it again? Do the same moves create the same feelings?
Me as a therapist would never attempt to put someone in this position, that would be very crude of me. However, me as a client. I'm craving that feeling again. Loosing your sense of stability and walking out of it like a new person. The walls of your personal dungeon crashing down. You keep those feelings and emotions locked up so tight they trickle from your brain into your tissues, your muscles, your tendons. And they lock themselves in there really tight. The good thing is. They can be let go. And that's what I want. I'm feeling a Fight Club quote coming on... "To die and be born again." That's about how it feels.
I will not take back what I said about cranio. It still is not the path I want to venture down as a therapist now. However, I have much more respect for it then I did Saturday night. 5 grams of pressure is not a lot of weight, but it is enough to make your body feel safe enough to let things go. When you hear people talk about CranioSacral Therapy they always seem to use the word "powerful" Its funny. Everyone I have heard so far uses that word and until now. I didn't know why. Awesome!